Vanity

Alright so i confess, I like to look at myself in the mirror! Ya, you say wiered, but deep down you know you do it to. I find it so funny to observe the obvious "self checking" that goes on here. I mean, take the guy brushing his teeth in the sink next to me this morning for example. He walks up, towel wraped around his waist as if he couldn't put his pants and shirt on before he stepped to the mirror and sink, his eyes seductivly looking himself up and down with the ocasional look side to side to make sure no one else sees the vanity overflowing in his countanance. Slowly, eyes never leaving the confines of the mirror, he opens his black shaving kit and fumbles through the mess. Now at this point i was wondering just exactly how to get one of these cases that seemed extremly streneous to open. I mean he had to flex every muscle in his body to get that zipper open. It must be one of those new ressistance training shaving kits, made for the vain. Believe it or not the guy had talent. He managed to flex muscles ive never seen before and prepare his tooth brush all without looking down once! If only, one day, i can preform the "vanity stare" as well. Now believe it or not if you didn't know what your looking for the guy would have looked like he was just intensly focused on brushing his teeth, instead of a well exicuted flexing session in front of the mirror.
I have got to admit, im not that good YET, but im working on it. I still put my shorts on before stepping to the mirror and i usualy wait till every one has exited before i begin my usual analysis of my body. There are ocasions, when i know somebody that im not afraid to execute the go ahead vanity stare, but for the most part i wait until im alone. Now this does cause a bit of a problem seeming how i share a shower trailor with hundreds of soldiers. The trailor door is usualy in a constant open and shut motion leaving little room for err when executing the stare. You must have a plan... the basics are as follows.

1. find a mirror close enough to the door that you can hear if any one is coming, but far enough away that you wont be the first person they focus on when entering the door.
2. always have an excuss!!! brushing your teeth, shaving, poping a zit, or what ever. This is in case you do become the first thing they focus on.
3. Move on!! don't leanger on one excuss. If there are people in the trailor, gym, or wherever, they are going to mark you as vain if you spend a half hour on the same zit or brush the same three teeth over and over again without changing sides.
4. This is the Hard one ! Don't over do it. When your done your done. I know it sucks to leave just when you have convienced yourself that your makin progress in the love handle portion of your evaluation, but you have to pick it up and move it out when your done or you will for sure find yourself at the recieving end of some "your vain stares."
5. JUST DON"T JOIN THE MILITARY!!!!!!!!!!!! Then you can stand in the privacy of your own home, naked if you wish, and stare all you want.

Hey come on how are you ever going to know when youve made progress unless you take a look once and awhile. So call me vain if you will, but don't be surprised if you catch yourself brushing those teeth alittle harder than usual, after along hard tricept workout or straining unneceserily to pop that zit so you can see the results of the thirty min turbo jam abb sesion you just worked so hard on.